I posted this on http://babyandbump.com
I was just thinking about all I have to do emotionally and physically on this ttc journey. Quit smoking ( I have 2packs left and a piece) start walking foe exercise and drink more water. (ALWAYS more water. I only drink water, but I could still drink more. ) I could stand to lose some weight.
Spiritually I have work to do. Lots of work. But I've touched Zen before. At first when I fell, I thought it was the end of the world. But now I know that maybe it wasn't time to attain enlightenment right then, but to just TOUCH it. And know how good it felt. How free and new. And how I needed to arrange my life and mind to fit Zen. Enlightenment. I need to nurse my spirit back to health.
As for the baby. Well first I have to make the baby. But aside from that, I know I want a natural birth. Not a FREEbirth necessarily, but as natural as possible. I frequent the freebirthing site just to learn all I can. And just incase have to deliver alone!! It's good information to have. I'd like a midwife, but I kinda want to deliver in a hospital. Wonder if you can do both? Did I mention i want to deliver in water? Well I do!
I know I want to breastfeed. I want to wear my baby as much as possible. And co sleep. (same room very near each other. )
these are the things I think about.
I actually tested twice this cycle!! That's it I'm taking a break from the stick in October!! So my next test will be November 12th. I hope it's a BFP!!!
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Well another test and another BF stinkin N! I was so hoping this month would be the one. I had so many symptoms. Nausea, fatigue, a weird head cold that lasted 1day. Backache. Appetite change-or cravings. I was so sure. Now I'm all depresssed. That's all the hell I need. When is the Universe going to send me my little one? I know all things come in time. I just hope my time is soon. I'm tired of crying every time I see that single line mocking me.