So..

Well so far, I'm just starting Vitex so I'm taking my Vitex and one Geritol a day. I was already taking the Geritol. I keep forgetting, however to take my temperature!!! Ugh! I'll remember for a few days. Even a week. Then I'll just forget. It's frustrating but I know it's worth it to keep trying. 

It helps that DH is interested in the baby now. However I kinda wonder why now? I guess with his illness this would be a sign of virility. How better to prove your manliness than to fertilize your waiting woman?! LoL. I don't know. It just seems like other times were better to get involved than now. Healthier times. I don't know. Only he knows the answer to that one. Maybe it is my feeling that the baby might be a boy. It would be his only son, so. Hey, I'm not looking a gift horse in the mouth!! (Crazy ass expression! Why the hell would I?!! LoL!) I'm glad to have him on board at last!  Maybe we can make this happen finally.

There's not much to tell today, but I'm  going to try to post almost daily. Even if just to say "not yet!" Or "took my meds" Or "It was POSITIVE!!!" Some day. 

But for now, the journey to mommyhood. 

.*•*.*•*.*•*.*•BabyDust.*•*.*•*.*•*.*•*.*•.

~J     

Well time to get started.

Vitex, that is. I've had an unstable temperature spike, but this is day 98 of my cycle. I was going to wait until day 100, but I'm pretty sure my cycles have decided to quit again. For one, I've gained so much WEIGHT since I quit the job. And when I gain weight I often lose my cycle as well. So a weight loss is definitely called for. This is why I almost don't need a diagnosis of PCOS, all I need is a check up to make SURE it's not something else. 

So, tomorrow is day 99. I'll be starting a day early, but that ok, as I know I'm not ovulating right now (negative OPT) and I don't think my period was "on the way". And I know I'm not pregnant because we haven't had much sex lately. We wanted to temp and get a baseline first. With DH's difficulties it's a lot less stress on him to not waste effort on a non productive cycle. (That sounded bad, I know. But trust me, it's ok. ) 

Honestly I was on the verge of giving up or at least just.. I don't know. I was starting to grieve. Grieve for the babies I'd never be able to have. I still WANT a baby, but after so long you start to think.. Maybe it's not going to happen. 

I tried to adopt a puppy, but $100 is NOT what I remember!! When I had dogs, they were free! LoL! So... But it was kinda devastating. I was like, GOD I'm not even worthy of a DOG!! (Hey I was in a dark place that day!!) 

I was about to tap out. 

Then we were at the laundromat (my dryer is on the fritz as well. *sigh* it never ends sometimes!!) and I saw this tiny little sock someone had left behind. It was so adorable. I mentioned to DH that it was so little and cute. And what he said would be insignificant to a person who doesn't know the TTC struggle, but to ME it was everything. 

He looked at the sock and said "That's how little your baby's sock is gonna be." And just walked off like it was just the normal thing to say.. Like, it's gonna happen so he wasn't  worried about it. LoL! And that little thing gave me so much hope. I felt renewed in this journey again. He has no idea how much that little sentence help pull me back in the ring and helped me to keep going. 

And I'm not gonna tell him because he'll ruin it.. LoL! 

Anyway, this is the Vitex I will be using

I got it at Amazon, I forget the cost. It's cheaper at Puritan's Pride though I do remember that. I'm pretty sure it's all pretty much the same. Last time I was taking this, I combined it with Black Cohosh and it was working I guess. I did get a period here and there as I remember, but I got this awful stomachache and had to stop taking it. I had PLENTY left over, but lost the bottles in our 2 moves since then, actually now 3 moves. So I had to buy more, sans the black cohosh. 

I actually got an awesome tip from a former TTC'er turned Mommy about FertilAid/Vitex. There are many tales of women having success with the herb, only to have it ripped away in a miscarriage. The reason seems to be the sudden stop of the supplement. She said she takes the herb for the first 12 weeks, then weans off quickly. Or the first 8 weeks.. I'll have to look it up again. But the point is to keep taking it until the placenta takes over and starts producing it's own hormones. Then you wean off. Before that you progesterone levels may drop and you'll miscarry. It's just one person's advice but it kind of proved my suspicion and I thought about doing the same. And her theory is sound and the proof is 2 healthy children. So. it's worth a shot. 

So, yeah. Basically I'm starting my holistic fertility treatments tomorrow. :)

.*•*.•*•.•*•.BabyDust.•*•*•.•*•.•*•.

~J

Oh The Waiting!!

  And waiting.... And waiting.. AND WAITING!!! *sigh* 

It's times like this that extremely long cycles really SUCK! With a 46 day long cycle that sometimes skips a cycle or two you have nearly 100 days before you know that it's time to take the next step. In my case, starting Vitex. Right now I'm at day 89. 2 missed cycles is day 92. So I'm almost there. I plan to wait until after day 100 before starting the drug. 

I think my missed cycles are skipping also because of my recent weight gain. Since my husband and I began working for ourselves, we aren't as active as we use to be and that has lead to a bit if a weight gain. I know that once my weight gets to a certain point, my cycles skip or STOP! So that's something to take care of. Honestly I would like to lose a good 50lbs. It sounds like a lot, but at my weight that huge loss would just put me at my norm- about 170. So, that sounds great. :) I recently got a book called "The 17 Day Diet" by Dr. Mike Moreno. I received it through Swaggable, a sampling group that I am a part of. I haven't had time to actually read it. I don't go for fad diets anymore, but a nice jumpstart might be be just what I need right now. My sister wants to go on a diet also, so maybe I'll at least have a diet buddy. 

  Well, that's it for now. More once I get this officially started. :)

Thanks for reading. :)

~J

Ok, I'm just rambling today...

LoL!! I don't really have much to add, but I wanted to come here more since DH is working weekends some weeks now and I'm alone here... So no lookie-Loos over my shoulder.. DH knows I blog, but he really doesn't take things the way he SHOULD take them.. As in.. This is my blog.. I may blog about you... If you can't handle that.. Don't go snoopin' in my damned blog.. LoL!!

Anyway, I haven't taken The Provera yet. I had a lot of spotting over the last month and I'm wondering if it's my body trying to regulate itself. I think there is a connection between body fat and PCOS. Or at least mine.. I thought it was just weight related. BUT maybe it's the excess FAT, not weight.. When I lost weight, my fat went down as well as my weight.. Lately I've been doing a LOT more physical activity and have been trimming down. Now I'm not SLIM and trim just yet, but still I noticed the spotting started when I noticed the toning.. So.. Here's hoping that A. I'll tone up more and B. I'll stay active enough to keep trimming down and C. That will lead to a Mini.. :)

Like I said not much to add today.. Just checking in..

Jen

Got Meds????

I do.. I went to the doctor for eczema medication for my hands and just asked for something to get me "regular" that's not birth control and he gave me 2 cycles of Provera.. Neat. :) I know it won't regulate me but it's a start I guess. I actually have some Clomid here somewhere, but being the procrastinators we are and the pack rats to boot.. I have no idea where it is. But eventually I'll find it. I won't take it right away though. I COULD take it, but I'm not sure DH is ready to start trying THAT actively just yet. I mean, if I could be pregnant like RIGHT NOW, I would be totally over the moon!! LoL!! We all know that. Not saying DH would be NOT happy.. I just don't think he's ready to push it just yet.. So I'll save my Clomid for another time. Anyway, the general physician said he'd send me to an ob/gyn if the two cycles don't regulate me. But even with all this, I'm hoping to have that BFP by the end of the year.. Hoping.. :) Will I? Who knows, but here's hoping and praying.. I'll POAS before taking the Provera, just to be sure.. (And hoping for an already BFP..) I've been having loads of spotting lately. Even a really.. REALLY light AF.. I mean REALLY light. And you know what all us TTC gals hope for every time we get weird symptoms.. (BFP!!! I keep saying it cause I'm REALLY hoping for it.. LoL!!)

Mean while, I've been planing like crazy. Will I cloth diaper? Breastfeed? (Definately) Baby Carrying? (Oh yeah...) Co Sleep? (Same room, maybe not same bed though.) There's lots to plan. Cloth diapering is a great thing and you're helping the environment and all that, but I'm probably not going to do it. It's pretty expensive to start and I'd be a damned miracle worker to talk DH into spending $130 plus in one lump for some diapers! He's actually already said not likely, so with that I won't push it.. However, those flushable diapers sound like a great idea.. Keeps poop out of the trash and out of landfills... Out of the ground water.. I think it's just a liner that goes in the diaper.. Though how AWESOME would a stand alone flushable diaper be?!

Well, I guess that's all for now.. More to come...


Jen

Yep... It's ticking louder than ever....

Since going back to work, I was back to just not preventing. Of course there was nothing to PREVENT, so.. You know... But now, I've turned another year older, and that darned baby clock is tick tick tocking again.. At 33, I know time is NOT standing still.. DH is.. Well, wishy washy at best. Our finances are not stellar, but I can't wait til I'm rich to get pregnant. I have to take the chance.. Likely it will take time.. Maybe YEARS, so why not start trying again now...

I'm pretty sure I have PCOS. I have all the signs of it. The excess bleeding during an ovulation challenge with Provera, the excess hair in... PLACES... The weight thing.. I have all the signs so I have to treat that first... See.. It will take time.. We have time to make a dollar if that's his worry.. :)

I have to lose some weight.. Yes, that is the bulk of my problem. When I gain weight, my periods stop.. Yes.. STOP.. All together.. I lose it, they start back on their "regular" 45 day cycle. Long, but like CLOCK work. Still, no babies.. I was "normal" weight for about a year, and nothing. So that's not the ONLY problem, but a good doctor and we'll find all the details. I was taking herbs, but got that killer stomach ache and had to chill on those for a while. And now I have no idea what I did with them!!! UGH, so I have to buy more at some point, but for now.. The fertility diet is the plan..

Let me tell ya.. I HATE dieting like the dickens.. I mean, who doesn't.. But I REALLY have an aversion to it!! I guess it's mental. Like telling me to diet is saying that there's nothing more to women than what the look like? Than what size they wear? Are we just pretty things to have until we get fat or old? Then just be tossed away for the newest better model? I mean I have some REAL psychological issues!! LoL! But I guess this is worth the dieting.. Or at least healthy eating plan and a little exercise. I mean, it's my baby I'm working for. Not some man.. :)

OK, enough crazy rantings. This is just me saying that I'm getting actively back into baby making... There... I said it.. :p

Jen