Monday, January 4, 2010

That's it...

I've been wanting to be a mommy for the last 18 years.. Since I was 14.. I got married almost 12 years ago... My husband has always said i would be a good mother.. And honestly.. I think he's right. As long as I want to be with him, I can't. I have many different views on things than he has. And as a pair, we can't raise a stable child.. So I am giving up my quest on having a child. It was my last dream. My last goal. It was the last thing other than world peace that I wanted. If we are to stay together, a child just will never be in the works. I could push it. And get the treatments, but I'd just end up with a kid as messed up as I am. And now I grieve.. I am so sad right now that I just don't want to live... But I will go on. I will continue on. In the back of my heart, I pray this isn't what The Almighty wants for me, but if it is, I will accept it. My heart is very heavy.. I am damaged.. And I don't know how I will push past this...

Jen

2 comments:

  1. I'm so sad for you once reading this... but I can identify with what you are feeling.... we should talk girl!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I feel a little better now. I still don't know how we'll make a kid when we don't even get ALONG! Of COURSE I still want a baby. But I just don't know how it's gonna happen.

    Jen

    ReplyDelete

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I'm a Georgia Peach, Living in Florida, just moved from Alabama, after moving from Florida! I'm a true nomad. I'm interested in bettering spirit, body, and mind. I'm Seekin' Zen and takin' names!