Monday, June 15, 2009

Little pains....

I have slight pains in my lower back and abdomen. I use to get them before AF showed her face around here. I'm not sure if it will actually start this month, but there is SOMETHING going on down there. :p Not sure if it's ovulation pains or just PAINS, but it hurts.. But not deathly pain, just a slight... crampy feeling.

I'm still taking my FertilAid, and shockingly hubby hasn't complained about me buying it. He did say I should just go get the Clomid though, which was like "What?" I guess he wants to use up that insurance. :p I do like to try the herbal remedy when I can. Not everyone gets that I guess. I still believe this product will work. Even if only slightly. I feel it will help my cycle straighten out. If it can do that, I'll be happy with it. Only thing is, I found more research on Vitex and it may take 18 MONTHS for that therapy to work and I was hoping to make something happen by the end of the year. No later than the new year. I know good things come to those who wait, we've been married for 11 years, and I'm 31 years old. I can't keep waiting. Maybe he is right. Maybe I should go for the hard stuff...

I've been feeling these mini tantrums brewing in me today. I'm relaxed and all, but sometimes it gets heavy and I JUST started trying this again.. Tantrums ALREADY?!! It's like even though I'm keeping the faith in The Almighty One,and my body to work with me,AND these herbs.. Still there's this doubt in my mind.. It's small, but it builds up sometimes. And I almost start crying. Weird. I wonder if this will get worse? It's not like it was when I was 20. Full of hopes for a brighter tomorrow. Just knowing you'll insert peg A into slot B and you'd get result C. It was that simple in my mind. You're married, you get the pills to get everything going, you have sex, you get pregnant.. End of story and you do that as many times as you want to. Now.. I've grown up.. Lived through some disappointments. Some hardships.. So I don't have as much faery dust in my eyes anymore. I know things can go wrong, and not everything works the way you want it to. But I have to suppress this idea because if I just lose hope.. It won't matter then, now will it?

But I'm trying to keep hope alive. And just pray it will happen. And all will be well with the world..


Well, at least as well as can be expected in my world. :)


Later!

*.*.*.BabyDust.*.*.*


Jen

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I'm a Georgia Peach, Living in Florida, just moved from Alabama, after moving from Florida! I'm a true nomad. I'm interested in bettering spirit, body, and mind. I'm Seekin' Zen and takin' names!